Reflections on Samhain

This was a very active holiday for me this year. I was able to participate in a few rituals acknowledging ancestors. This was particularly powerful for me as I have lost a few people over the past year.

As part of my decolonizing work, I have been seeking to learn about my ancestors and their traditions. I have come to realize that when my ancestors came to the United States they embraced or were forced to embrace being white and American. In that process, we gave up our names, our language, our lineage, our connection to our ancestral lands and the foundation of who we were. This left us easily manipulated by elites, corporate interests, and political division.

I am mourning both sides of that coin. I am mourning the harm that my family has participated in with white supremacy and the harm that was done to us. Our loss manifests in the sense of disconnect and loneliness, perfectionism, body image issues, fears around scarcity of resources among others. The rootedness that we may have had before was lost in this transition and now there is a lot of insecurity.

I am rebuilding my sense of identity with the help of my ancestors. Part of opening this door, I have felt a strong call to return to my ancestral homelands of Ireland. After my grandmother died in December, my father informed me that she had always wanted to visit Ireland, where we came from. Through my shared ritual work of Samhain, I have felt affirmed that my grandmother is an active part of my call to return to our homeland where I hope to spread some of her ashes. In this season, I have gained more support and more connection through sharing rituals with others in my community and connecting with the recently departed. I fell less alone and more affirmed on my journey.

Although it may look different from mine, maybe reconnecting with your roots is part of your healing journey.